Bringing comfort to grieving parents in West Dunbartonshire and Lomond

Mar 27 2009 by Amanda McKendrick, Lennox Herald (main ed)

LOSING a baby can be the hardest experience of a woman’s life but one organisation is helping grieving mums to move on.

The Lomond branch of the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) provides comfort and support to parents and families in mourning.

A recent report from the national charity revealed that 17 babies a day are stillborn or die shortly after birth in the UK, totalling almost 6500 baby deaths a year. The stillbirth rate has remained almost unchanged for the past 10 years.

Community midwife Margaret McCallion established Lomond SANDS 12 years ago, following a plea from a local mum who did not want to go to Glasgow – where the nearest group was then based.

Margaret said: “I started doing research and visited groups in Glasgow, including at Rottenrow and the Queen Mother hospitals. We got it up and running very quickly – it was very well attended at the beginning and those mums received support and moved on.”

As recently as the late 1970s when babies were stillborn or died just after birth, parents were not allowed to see or hold their babies, there were no photos and no goodbyes.

Midwife Norah McMenamin, facilitator at Lomond SANDS, said: “A lady came to us recently and her history went back to that time. Her baby was born early.

“She was told to go home and have a rest, and by the time she got back to the hospital the baby had died and was gone. She never got to see the baby again.

“Hospitals would bury or cremate the babies and parents were never told where they were.

“It’s only now she has been able to express that grief.

“We know from research that caused depression in mothers and marriage breakdowns because people couldn’t talk about it. It was taboo.”

Branch secretary Julie Wrethman, who is also a midwife at the Vale’s community maternity unit, added: “We’ve come a long way since then. Now parents are given a lock of hair, hand and footprints, are encouraged to hold the baby, and photographs can be taken with the parents or other family members. It all depends on what each parent wants.”

Kathryn Love, the group’s befriender, offers a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

In 1991 she was pregnant with triplets when she went into labour at 24 weeks.

Baby John was stillborn, while her second son, Keith, died that night and the third, David, passed away days later.

Kathryn said: “Over the space of one weekend I went from expecting three babies to losing three babies.

“I knew when I went into labour that the chances of them surviving were probably very small.

“You often read stories about babies born prematurely surviving against the odds, but for every baby that survives there are nine who haven’t.”

Kathryn, who went on to have a healthy son and then a daughter, added: “My sister Julie is a midwife at the Vale, so when the group was started I was really keen to become involved. I suppose I was the obvious choice.”

The group pushed for a Garden of Remembrance to be created at the Vale of Leven Cemetery especially for stillborn and premature babies, which is marked with a special headstone.

Each November they hold a remembrance service in the hospital chapel concelebrated by local clergy, where parents can light a candle for their lost babies.

Margaret added: “The support we have had over the years from the local community, including Rev Ian Miller, Father Gerry Bacon, and the Co-operative Funeral Service, has been fantastic.”

Meetings are held on the last Wednesday of every alternate month. The next meeting is on May 27. For information, call 01389 817276.